Recommit

The weeks have been overwhelming. After Spring Break, when ISU had switched to online learning entirely, and would be online for the rest of the semester, I felt capable of staying on top of my work. I streamlined the curriculum of the classes I teach. My professors were working out their own plans for online learning, and for the most part I was in a kind of holding position. And I still wrote as much as I could.

But then things just slipped through my fingers. When the full gravity of the situation really hit me—the social distancing, the closure of businesses, of campus, the precarity of everyone’s livelihoods—I was distracted. All the time. I did what I could to keep my online classes going, but beyond that? I couldn’t focus. Couldn’t think. I wrote a whole blog post about what I missed about life pre-isolation. I also miss being able to distract myself in ways that felt productive.

Last week was better; I had conferences with my students and commitments on my time. This week is also slightly better than last. I’m a little bit faster on email. I’m actually reading for the classes I’m taking. I know that I can get through the semester. It feels possible to think about the next semesters, too, though even the near future is filled with uncertainty.

And so I’m trying to recommit to what I started this semester. Throwing my whole self into the things that I’m doing, into the classes I’m taking and teaching, into the work that needs to be done. It’s not the same, and I have to adapt, and things very likely won’t be the way they were before.

That’s okay. “Normal” wasn’t working for so many people anyway.

Have you been recommitting to things recently? Let me know in the comments.


Header image from Pixabay.

Published by Caroliena Cabada

Caroliena Cabada is a graduate student at Iowa State University pursuing an MFA in Creative Writing and Environment. Her writing has been published in online and print journals, and she's currently at work on a collection of short stories.

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